26

I try to see what are the things that I did that I haven’t done yesterday.

Most of it are, common, the usual.
I wake up, have breakfast, go to work, get dilemmas at work, got questioned at times, get home, check on social networks, then sleep on coup’le of hours, thats enough.

Some of you would agree with me, If you’re in the bracket of 20’s, it’s a ” whats gonna be ahead of me?”

I def’nitely see that there’s a light, but I don’t know what it is.

It is not being you are not happy at the moment, it is, You are not yet where you’re supposed to be.

Some would say, “It is where I am, then It’s where I Am supposed to be”

I tell you, Its a big NO.

When We were born, We are encapsulated by the Love of our Primary Family, then Were allowed to play and discover later on, we are sent to college and graduate, by that time, We somehow, established what We really want our Life be, and what We wanna be.

It is not discontentment My friend.

True, that one of my friends told me, Life is a journey.

It’s a journey to your self.
Rediscovering yourself.

Theres no ideal Life as we see it in movies.
It’s exactly what you are, It is your Life that tells you who you are.

No regrets of being you, Why a you’re from separated Family, Why you don’t have Dad as you grew up, why did your Father died too early, Why you’re an average, why you’re not the best, Why you dont have a partner, Why youre not born rich,why you’re not good looking as people in TV, Why you’re a single Mom, Why Life hasnt been if not good but fair to you?

Dear, 26’s, Too many why’s in Life but We forgot to be Thankful that We are still able to breath at this moment.
Too many questions, too manies.

Please lessen your Baggage of emotions, its killing our sanity, slowly….

I hated my Mom, but I love Her more than that.

I salute my Father so much!!

He is so firm, consistent, convicting, directive…He has all the character that I look up to.

I am a Daddy’s girl!

I have Mom.

Calm, soft, gentle, She cooks, She wash clothes, She follows what my Father commands.

But,I am  my Daddy’s girl. I am secured with my superhero! Until He left for Heaven and leave me here down.

I lost my strenght, I lost my shield, I lost my inspiration, I am weak, I need someone to take over what my Dad does.

There I saw Mom everyday, calm, soft, She washes clothes, She cooks, again and again….She do it everyday. She is  boring.She is not my Dad, And She  can never be Dad.

I hate her for being weak, I hate her for who she is. I was sure.

I Left home because I dont want to induce myself the negative vibes She has. I stood  my ground.

One morning, I stood infront of my mirror, I saw my Mom in my face, my wide hips like hers, my height, my lips, I definitely can see Her in my reflection.

She crossed in my mind, I wonder whom She’s talking to when She got bored, Who helps Her carry the groceries, What she’s doing before She goes to sleep, Who checks Her out if She’s fine, if She’ s well.

I wonder How brave She forced Herself to sleep alone everynight on the king bed where my Dad and She shared for the 30 years of Her Life.

I wonder How insensitive I was.

How could we hate the one who gave us chance to live this life.

How could I not understand the one who understood every mistake I did.

How could I hate the one who owns my heart.

Yes, I  hated you but I Loved You More than That.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am 5 years Single, but I fell in love many times.

I am 5 years Single, but I fell in love many times.

When I was a little girl, I used to watch fairy tales. A princess, A prince charming, A Fairy godmother, A villain. So I grew up with the connotation in mind, I am a girl, And I should fall inlove!

I felt the first so-called ‘Love’ when I was 17, butterflies in my stomach, heartbeats fast, first kiss, first hug, It was the most beautiful feeling I felt in my entire life so I thanked my Fairy God Mother for giving me my Prince Charming like princesses in disney had theirs, as they both fight villains for Love.

Few years later, I woke up looking for Him, He disappeared, He wasn’t around.

I had more Birthdays, I graduated, I got my job, I became independent.

I bussied myself pursuing my dreams, I work, I go home, I get paid, I spend, I save, I provide myself my needs everyday.

One day I decided to meet a friend wayback highschool for a catch up, Everything changed to both of us. In between the laughs and teases of our conversation, She asked me when She’ll be hearing that I already fell in love,  I paused laughing then laughed again sarcastically “Im single for 5 years but I  fell in love many times!!!”

I went home tired, sat down in my couch, stared at my window in few feet far. I took  one deep breath to cap off my day…..I can see the leaves dancing and swaying by the wind, feels like they are entertaining me to lift my mood up, for free.

 I faced my palm up, spread my fingers apart. I can see five…..It has been five…

Five years of being single, That means, Five years of dating random guys.

Five years of dating, But I was never declared by anyone elses’ ‘mine’.

Five years of being a girl entitled to fall in love, So I fell inlove with every guy I dated, the attachments, the food together, the nice places we visited, the excitement, the travels….I felt love.I did. I was.

I took a shower, dried my hair, lied down, I let my bed embraced me to sleep like He used to when He knows Im about to end my day. I can hear the tick-tocks of my wrist watch near my head pillow, It is just another one night, and I have to sleep for work the next day.

…I have to forgive myself,

I lied when I told my friend I fell in love many times. I actually never was, I just justified the 5 years of being alone and not owned by anyone.

But as far as I know, I tried.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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